I thought, I wrote.

People often make mistakes. Often times, they get punished either by the court of law or by divine intervention. The punishments are mild, medium or hard based on their mistakes. But, there is a worse punishment one can ever subject to, punishing someone without giving him a proper reason. It's not just worse, it's inhumane.

People often get angry because they expect the world to move around them. But unfortunately, the world moves on its own path. We are not at the center of everything. We fail, we lose hope, we get frustrated because of this. Everyone has expectations, dreams, aspirations to be someone, to do something or to achieve something in their life. There is no single human on earth ever born who is happy because his expectations are fulfilled, dreams realized, aspirations achieved. Even M.K.Gandhi had dreams which are not fulfilled even today!

True, we cannot make the world move around us. But as a human being, we can only hope that at some point in our life, we can make the world stop and have a look at us. We can strive to get the world's attention for a moment on us. Unfortunately, for most people, this moment happens when they are no more. The world stops and thinks about that person when he/she is not alive to celebrate the moment with consciousness.

Only a few succeed in grasping this reality. Those who understood this are the ones who never hesitates to struggle in their life. They remain cool and composed because they know that things can't go wrong unless they try to manipulate and make the world move around them. They do have expectations, dreams, and aspirations. But their dreams are big. Bigger than us lesser mortals can comprehend.

Everyone is born, everyone would die one day. But there are very few who has the courage to struggle, who aspires to make the world pause for a moment and think about them when they are alive. It takes one spur of a moment for nature to take back the life it gave us. No one was born with a guarantee that he/she will stay alive till their dreams are fulfilled. But so long as we are alive, we have a choice; to leave our footprints in sands of time, or be forgotten. It is up to us to choose.

That moment!

"My water broke. Call the hospital", my wife cried in excitement.

"Sure I will!", I replied dialing the hospital number, checking the calendar meanwhile. "Saturday, May 25", it said.

I had a hunch that our baby will be born on 25th. After all, my wife and myself were both born on 25th! Won't it be awesome if our baby were to be born on the same day as ours?

"Her water broke at 5 AM. No, she did not have any contractions yet. No, we do not need an ambulance", I answered the protocol questions from the nurse-on-call. Jaisri woke her mom up while I called our friend Rachel who had offered us a ride to the hospital. "I will be there in ten minutes", she said over the phone. 

Meanwhile, Jaisri checked the hospital bag once more to see if she had missed something, prepared a cup of coffee for us and was ready to go. "We are going to see our baby", she said in excitement.

Ten full months! We could not wait a minute more, particularly since the day we came to know that its a baby girl! At a quarter to six, we reached the Poudre Valley Hospital, registered and went up to the maternity ward. One thing I love about American hospitals, particularly PVH, is that the father-to-be is allowed to stay in the maternity ward throughout the labor!

But Jaisri is yet to have her first contraction, the beginning of labor. "Your cervix is at 1 cm now. You need to dilate more. Let us wait and see if your body is able to do it on its own", Dr. Stern, the doctor-on-call said.

Four hours went by. Nothing much happened. Rachel, my mom-in-law, Jaisri and myself played Phase10 to spend our time. "Do you think it is possible for our baby to be born today?", we asked the nurse who was monitoring Jaisri's blood pressure, the strength of contraction and pulse and our baby's heartbeat.

"She has a good chance! Its good that her water broke early in the morning", the nurse replied.

The doctor examined her again around noon. "Your cervix is still at 1 cm", he said. Three hours later, Jaisri felt her first significant pain. Sooner she had more contractions at a regular interval that her pain became unbearable.

In the evening (which was still afternoon in this part of the world), we consulted our nurse and agreed to call the Anaesthesia specialist to administer Epidural.

The combination of more frequent, high intense contractions and epidural lowered Jaisri's blood pressure which she did not feel, thanks to Epidural. But, unfortunately, the baby was alarmed with the condition and her heart beat lowered.

"Will something happen to me?", my wife asked me anxiously. I realized that no words are enough to convince her. I called the doctor and asked the same question. "She looks perfectly alright. There is nothing to worry about", his replied reassured our faith.

Still, every ten minutes, Jaisri's bp lowered drastically and baby's heartbeat would come down to half of its normal rate. We cried from inside and did the only thing we could do, pray to God. "Why should this happen to me?", she quizzed herself.

"Don't worry honey. Everything is going to be alright soon. Think of all the good times we had so far", I said, trying to calm her down. Meanwhile, the nurse adjusted the Epidural dosage and infused saline and glucose to keep her bp under control.

After observing her vital signs for a while and finding that they are stabilizing, I took a brief meditative nap. At the wee hour in the morning, my wife woke me up and said, "my cervix has dilated to 8 cm!"

I felt elated! "Our baby is going to be in our arms soon", we cried in joy. The nurse then gave her instructions to coincide her push with the peak of her contractions.

Her push became rigorous next morning when the sun rose. "Your baby has a wonderful black hair", our nurse said. With every contraction, the nurse asked Jaisri to push and count from 1 to 10, and repeat it three times.

After a long and enduring wait for 26 hours, Hrdaya was born. It is hard to express "that moment" in words in any languages humans had ever learned.

That moment, when I cut the umbilical cord of Hrdaya and welcomed her to Earth...is the best moment in my life that I would cherish forever.

Confessions from a Ph.D scholar

"Will you get a job at least now?", was the question everyone asked when I shared the news about the successful defense of my Ph.D. thesis.

"Will I get a job at least now? Did I not qualify for a job earlier? Why did I opt for a Ph.D.? Why did I even opt for a graduate program after my Bachelor's?", I asked these questions to myself.

I did get a job from one of the leading software companies in India soon after completion of my degree in Mechanical Engineering. I opted for Masters degree by choice and not out of compulsion. When I took the decision to join SASTRA University as a JRF, I was still an employee at that company.

For many in our society, four years of Bachelor's in Engineering/Technology is a valid pass to get a job. It does not matter whether one has a sound understanding of their curriculum, nor are they really concerned about whether the four years of learning is applicable and useful for rest of their life. But deep inside, I was never satisfied with my learning. I realized that Bachelor's curriculum is only surface level deep. How can I rejoice myself after scratching only the surface?

“When you really want something to happen, the whole world conspires to help you achieve it.”  - Paulo Coelho in Alchemist.

How true!

When I quit my job, I did not have an alternate plan. I quit because I was not satisfied with the work¹. Like many engineering graduates, I could have continued with my job, have a raise and/or promotion with time, marry a girl and get settled. But, I had a dream - to continue my education, learn more and go deeper from the surface. It was a risk when I quit my job not knowing what to do next. As if the whole world conspired to help me achieve my dream, one fine morning I received an email with an offer to join SASTRA University as a Junior Research Fellow (JRF) and work with Dr. Katte.

That one mail changed by destiny.

First few months I spent with Dr. Katte helped me in molding myself into a research material. It was during those days I learned the nuances of doing research such as critical thinking and technical writing. Soon, I quit JRF post to fill the vacancy for SRF with Dr. Katte on an ISRO sponsored project. At this point in time, SASTRA University did not offer Masters by Research program.

"What are you doing? ", my "well" wishers asked. I did not have an answer to them. How can I say I quit my job to pursue higher studies, but have joined a university which does not offer Masters?

Thanks to Dr. Katte, SASTRA finally introduced the Master of Science in Engineering by research in 2005. I was one of the three students who had registered for the program in the first batch. After two years of hard work, I defended my Master's thesis successfully and shared the news with everyone about graduate conferment. 

"Are you going to work at least now?", they asked in one voice. "Nope, I am going for a Ph.D.", I said. I am pretty sure they heard it as "he did not get a job yet".

My association with ISRO continued during my Ph.D. as well. From VSSC, ISRO sponsored project at SASTRA, I joined in a SAC, ISRO sponsored project at IIT Madras. After four years, I submitted my thesis with five papers (of which three are based on my Ph.D. work) in international journals and 6 international conference papers.

"I have defended my thesis successfully", I shared the news yet again to everyone.

"Will you get a job at least now?"

"Nope, I am going for a postdoc", I said.

"A what?"

"Never mind. Well, I won't be working for quite some time yet!", I replied to them.

No, not too soon. I am happy that I had gone a level deeper, but I still have miles to go.
-------------------------------------------------------
¹I thank the company who recruited me. It was during those 5 months that I learned stuff about computers and also learned to speak English in American accent which eventually became useful when I went to the U.S.

Oppiliappan, the unparalleled one.

 Image courtesy: Divine Brahmanda

Markandeya could not believe what he just heard. "Is he out of his mind?", he wondered.

"It was all my fault. I should not have provided refuge to the old man who was on his way to somewhere. Why did I invite him into my house?", he asked himself.

The old man was seated across Markandeya and was trying to read through his mind. "Have you considered my proposal, Sir?", he asked.

Narayana was the elder brother of Lord Balaji, the mighty, rich and popular ruler of seven hills. At his prime age, he looked like a cupid with broad shoulders and thin waist. His tall appearance made him appear mighty and grand. There was a huge competition from the kings of nearby provinces who wanted to marry off one of their daughters to him.

But he did not like any of the princesses he was introduced to.

"I have decided to undergo a long journey in search of my dream girl", said Narayana. Lord Balaji knew that this day would come. But he did not expect it to come so early.

"But brother, you still have your age. I shall make arrangements for you to visit all the provinces which are under my control and be their guest. Maybe you will find one of their daughters to be your dream girl"

"I so want to believe your words come true. But dear brother, I have lost all my hopes. Moreover, my instinct is warning me against such belief. Something tells me that I'm searching for her at the wrong place."

Lord Balaji knew that his brother had made a decision and would not change his mind for whatever reasons. "At least allow me to make arrangements for some of our men to come with you and help you till you find your special someone", he said.

"That is not possible, Lord Balaji. I do not know how long it would take to find her. If it takes several years, I would be wasting the lives of those men for my own sake! I will not allow that to happen".

The next morning, Narayana left the palace of seven hills. His brother had made arrangements for food and shelter for Narayana till he was within the territory of seven hills. He had passed a word to all the kings from nearby provinces asking them to offer any help he may require, should he ask them.

That was forty years ago! During the passing years, Narayana had walked to all corners of the world and had met plenty of girls, none of whom looked even remotely like the girl he was searching to find. After an arduous journey to all around, he finally reached a small village located nearby Kudanthai, a temple town.

It was while he spent his previous night at Thanjavur that he heard from people about Rishi Markandeya who lives in an ashram near Kudanthai. He decided to pay him a visit.

A sudden surge of happiness beckoned him as he reached near the ashram. He could hear his inner voice saying his long search was about to end. "Markandeya is a Rishi. Through his penance, he has acquired immense knowledge of everything. Maybe he will tell me where to find my dream girl", he thought.

Markandeya welcomed the old man into his hut and offered him a meal. It was when Narayana was having his meal that he noticed her for the first time. He knew at that moment that she was the one he has been searching for all through his life!

"Her name is Bhumi", Markandeya introduced his adopted daughter to Narayana.

"Nice to see you", he said. "I have a feeling that we have met somewhere before", he added. Shyness enveloped her suddenly and so intensely when she heard him talking to her. She let out a smile at him and ran inside.

He felt sad at her sudden disappearance. He could not eat anymore. His breathing became uneven, and all through the while he was having his lunch, his eyes darted in search of her. He finished his meal in a haste, washed his hands and took a seat beside Markandeya.

"May I ask you what brings you here?", Markandeya asked.

"Your daughter", he replied instantly.

"I took a long journey a few decades ago in a quest to find my dream girl and marry her. There was so many princesses waiting for my nod to marry them. But I did not like any of them. My instinct told me that I would find my dream girl only when I take a long journey in search of her".

That was forty years ago! I have been to lots of places, met zillions of people and their daughters who wanted to marry me. But I could not marry them. At one point in my life, I even feared that I may never be able to find my dream girl. But my instinct had guided me all the way until I reached your place.

"It was when I saw Bhumi that I realized she is my dream girl. She is the one I have been searching for all my life. Will you please marry her off to me?"

"Markandeya could not believe what he just heard".

"My Lord, forgive me for saying this. But you are an old man. You may not live for long. How can I marry off my daughter to you? God forbid, what if something happens to you soon? My daughter is very young. No father would want to see her daughter suffering from loneliness for the rest of her life".

"I may be old, but I still have my age. I can still fight and rule from this place for the next hundred years!", he said.

"Let your words come true. But how will I know that she is your dream girl? What if it's your lust and not love that convinces you that she is your dream girl?"

Narayana reflected on that question for a long time. "Could he be true? Is it the lust or love that describes my feelings for her?", he contemplated on his own thoughts.

"Lust is like salt in a meal. I sure have a lust for her, but that does not explain all my feelings to her. Salt is added only for taste. Can anyone really have just salt as their meals?"

"True. But one who has tasted salt in his life will never be able to give it up. Humans would age with time, and so will my daughter. If you like the meal only because of its salty taste, you will soon get bored of her when the quantity of salt decreases with time".

"I certainly agree with you, sage Markandeya. Lust adds a flavor to life, but only love lasts forever. I promise you that I would never expect a meal from Bhumi with salt. This promise will be a symbolic gesture of my true love".

"My blessings to you and my daughter. With such a vow, you have become an unparallel human being. After your marriage, you will be named as Lord Oppiliappan, the unparalleled one".

Raincoat

"Why do you want to take your raincoat with you today?", my mom asked. "Its certainly not going to rain today".

How I wished it would rain that moment just to prove that my mom was wrong. Not that I so wanted it to rain though! It was only the previous day that my mom had bought me a new raincoat. Like any new items, I fell in love with it at first sight. I certainly did not want to leave it at home!

"Mom, you only told me that raincoats are like umbrellas. So what if it does not rain today? I can still wear it to get some shade from the sun".

"You have gone nuts", she mocked at my reply. "Here, take this. But be very careful", she warned, handing over the newly bought raincoat to me.

"I will mom", I assured her collecting the bag, inside of which contains the new raincoat, neatly folded.

I could not pay attention to any of the classes that day, for my mind was completely preoccupied with the raincoat. I took it out from its bag and placed it in my lunch bag to show off my prized possession to all my friends. "Let them feel envious", I thought.

The day ended with a final bell followed by reciting of our national anthem. As soon as it ended, I rushed out from my class, got into the first train I could catch and run all the way home.

"Why the hurry?", my mom asked when I reached home and gasped for breath.

"I just want to show you that I took very good care of my raincoat", saying so I opened my school bag only to find everything inside but for my new raincoat.

My little world tumbled down like nine pins. "Where did it go?", I asked myself while searching frantically.

I suddenly realized that I took it out and kept it in my lunch bag. In my haste to reach home, I had forgotten to pick it up from my desk!

What should have been the happiest night ever for me turned into a nightmarish sleepless night. "What if someone saw the raincoat and took it? Will they hand it over at the security office? Or will he take home with him saying finders, keepers?". That night was perhaps the only time in my life I had a sleepless night without having a single cup of coffee.

Next morning, I got up from my bed along with the first ray of sun, brushed, bathed, gulped cereal, grabbed my shoes and ran to the station to catch the first possible train. The school gate was opened only a few minutes ago when I reached it. "I left my raincoat in my class yesterday. Did anyone hand it over to the security office?", I asked our school watchman.

"No son. But the sweepers have just arrived and started their work. Perhaps they can tell you if they find or not", he replied.

From the entrance, I could see that the sweepers have not entered my classroom yet. I ran all the way to the classroom to see if I could find it before them.

I felt a huge relief when I saw the red color lunch bag sitting under my desk. When I approached it, I found the lunch box and water bottle inside. "But where is my raincoat?"

There was only one another school bag on the last bench. Perhaps he was early today and playing some games. "Would he have taken it?".

A part of me encouraged me to see in his bag, while the other half warned me against such thought. Conscience beckoned me to open the bag where I found my new raincoat, neatly folded. I felt elated in finding my raincoat again that I did not want to confront my classmate for stealing. After all, it was my mistake!

That evening, I made a conscious effort to pick my lunch bag with my raincoat inside. When I reached home, my mom asked: "Did you find it?".

"Yes! I replied", only to realize that this time I forgot to pick my lunch bag when I got down from the train!